In Nigeria, it is common for politicians to blame their troubles on Political Enemies. For those who don't know, this is a shadowy organisation dedicated to causing whoever occupies an office as much headache as possible. It's members are responsible for such treasonable acts as leaking details of fake results and certificates, bribery and corruption in government etc.
Indeed, this group causes so much havoc that it should be banned and its members arrested. I mean, how can a governor concentrate on the serious business of office when Political Enemies reveals that he never finished secondary school, and therefore wasn't even qualified to run for the office in the first place?
More recently, however, Political Enemies decided to go international, and opened a branch in London. Their target was the unsuspecting DSP Alamieyeseigha, governor of Bayelsa State. Whilst the poor man was in Germany undergoing an operation to cure a life-threatening condition, Political Enemies was busy stuffing his London home with pound notes.
After successfully completing his surgery, the man decided to stop over in London to recuperate. Only for the London Metropolitan Police, acting on an anonymous tip-off, to arrest the man at Heathrow. Of course, the good governor, champion of his people was outraged. He had a diplomatic passport, and besides, the allegations were preposterous. All he had on him at the time was the measly pocket change of a few hundred thousand pounds or so, surely not an amount to get Scotland Yard to pull out the big guns?
He followed them to their offices calmly. Afterall, he would soon be cleared, and when he was, they would know the full meaning of jaguda. He was going to cause so much wahala that Tony Blair would come and beg him to calm down. He mentally listed the numbers and names of all the warriors he was going to call up while he waited for the Metropolitan Police Commissioner to come in, offer his most profound apologies for the actions of his overzealous men, and throw in an offer to spend his recuperation at Buckingham Palace. So, you can imagine his utter shock when he was informed by the cops that a search of his home had yielded about one million pounds in cash. In 50 pound notes.
"Political Enemies!!", groaned the distraught governor.
Abeg, Politikal Enemis, even if na only 50 tousand una wan kom plant, I go take am. Jus call me for mai gism, I go giv una de adres. Biko!