Monday, February 19, 2007

Politricking and the EPCC

So, some people named by the Uncle Nuhu's organisation the EPCC (Economic and Political Crimes Commission) have been cleared by Baba's new "Administrative Panel of Iniquity". Nuhu has not apologised to those besmirched by his wild accusations however, and continues posturing like a gladiator in the Arena.

If Nuhu were an honorable man, he would since have tendered an unreserved public apology to the innocent men whose reputations he may well have scarred for life. As Chxta pointed out, certain names were conspicuous by their absence, not least those of Lucky and the Sheikh. Perhaps it's because they have wisely decided not to contest any other office, at least for now.

It is, however, a collective backhand on the intelligence of Nigerians (whose faces have perhaps been numbed by the sheer number and velocity of slaps they've recieved down the years) to suggest that there was nothing political about the now infamous list.

Not only did it serve to distract candidates from their campaigns, it also served to cast some doubts as to their credibility to the general public. Of course, most (if not all) will shrug and carry on with their lives as though nothing untoward happened, but I would really love one of them to sue the S.O.B. for defamation of character, slander, etc. (As long as he was one of those cleared, of course.)

We know Baba has declared the elections to be a do-or-die affair, in complete disregard for the climate of live-and-let-live that others have been trying hard to promote, and we know that when Baba sneezes, Nuhu catches Bird Flu. We then have to wonder what comes next. What will Baba pull out now from his formidable bag of tricks? A white elephant, perhaps? Or, failing that, a pig with wings?

On Orji Kalu's interview, my internet connection is pretty useless, so I've been unable to watch it, but if he suffered some man-made grammatical misconceptions in his deployment of the Queen's lingo, we should try to understand that just like Sir Shina Peters said, grammar no bi money.

Abeg, Orji-nwanem, no mind all dis jelos pepol. Meanwhile nna, if you wan sen sometin kom, my akount numba na....

Monday, February 12, 2007

That EFCC List

Hi there folks. Been a while, I know, but I've recently become a statistic and am still trying to come to terms with that. In case you were wondering, the statistic is Unemployed Nigerian Youth. Well, being from the Niger-Delta, I believe we all know what my options are... Ehem.

Anyway, Baba, the great man, wonderful leader, general-who-never-fires-blank, and all-round tough guy, recently ordered Uncle Nuhu to release a list of 137 "corrupt/unfit-for-public-office" individuals and there are no prizes for guessing who tops the list. That's right, Turaki is our numero uno criminal. The fact that the list screams "witchhunt" in 30 metre high letters is no deterrent to Baba and his cronies.

Take Ondo state for example. The man contesting the Senatorial seat with Iyabo, who has never held any public office by the way, is on the EFCC list. When they interviewed Baba's new Fani-Kayode on Channels TV this morning, he said you didn't have to hold public office to be corrupt, and in fact, the list was drawn up based on petitions recieved by the EFCC. Hmmm... Petitions. Not concluded investigations. Petitions. Right. So, if I were to send in a petition about say, Bode George, his name would make the list, no? Wait. EFCC already did investigate and indict Bode George, but strangely he hasn't been arrested. Baba did promise there would be no sacred cows. Perhaps Bode George is a sacred goat then? You never know.

It is also no surprise that Papa Decieve Pikin had the largest number of corrupt individuals on the list, something like 58 names in all. Clearly therefore, Baba's list has shown Nigerians that his party is in fact the most corrupt in Nigeria, and by extension Africa. (PDP is the "largest party in Africa" according to its statisticians.) How this man can then ask Nigerians to vote for PDP with a straight face beggars belief.

While I would dearly love to know just how Turaki made his money, and I also know that he wont be President come May 29, I think we should all be grateful to him for making sure that Baba wont be President beyond May 29.

As for those who say Yar'adua is a weakling and will only do the bidding of Baba, all I have to say is this:

Give a rat eba, and he will ask for a bowl of soup with bushmeat and stockfish, and cold beer to wash it down.

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I love my country, enjoy a cold beer once in a while, rabidly support Arsenal FC, but I don't get Diet Coke...