Punch Drunk

The Nigerian citizen is hardly given time to absorb one scandal and work him/herself up into a rage over it before it is replaced by something even more grievous. On an almost daily basis, we are subjected to tales of brazen excess from our rulers, mind-boggling corruption, and staggering incompetence.

The fuel subsidy removal protests forced the government to begin a long-overdue inquest into the rot in the petroleum sector. It was not long before our officials began buck-passing like it was an Olympic event and they were gunning for gold. We heard that it was the Petroleum Minister who authorised payments over and above the budgetary allocation. Then we heard that it was the Finance Minister. Then the Customs people came and told us that the Finance Minister ordered them to waive documentation procedures for petrol imports. We heard that the NNPC uses third-party storage facilities despite having its own. Independent marketers came and complained about being sidelined by people with access.

Then, just like that, the noise about the subsidy regime disappeared. Where has it gone? Probably into a committee which will take time to prepare a report which will shortly thereafter take its place in the pantheon of forgotten reports.

We're not bothered though because we have bigger fish to fry. It wasn't too long ago that our Commander-in-Chief came out and declared that Boko Haram had infiltrated his government. Now, to my admittedly slow and dim-witted mind, it appeared that the man had a ready-made solution: identify the Boko Haram members in the cabinet, sack them, and charge them with treason. Round them up one night and squeeze them for locations, names, etc. But then, like I said, I'm kind of slow and GEJ must have had something even better up his sleeve.

 

So, what did the man do about the terrorists in his cabinet? Try sweet fuck all. That's right, after telling the world that terrorists had infiltrated the government, the President and his security forces have not been able to publicly identify these people and prove to the country and her enemies that we are capable of handling the situation. Instead, GEJ went and got some MOSSAD agents to provide his personal protection.

In other words, the President was telling us, "You're all fucked if you seriously believe the police and SSS can protect you."

Needless to say that this apparent paralysis only served to embolden the terrorists who quickly scaled up their targets, adding major police and military installations to churches and mosques. After each atrocity, we are treated to the same statement of how those behind the dastardly acts would be fished out, no stone left unturned, and most galling of all, how we only had to endure these things for a little while because the terrorists would soon get tired of all the bombings and go home.

 

And for his sterling performance in piloting national affairs, GEJ has had a district in Abuja named after him.

 

Brilliant.